Fostering Opulence

A sensualist's guide to romanticizing your life

Mar 01, 2025

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You don’t need a lear jet and a trust fund to live a life of luxury. You need good taste and presence.

What good is a beautiful life if you’re not really living it? Action and attainment mean nothing if not married with presence. The goal is not an aesthetic life, but rather the enjoyment of life—not a superficial observance, but pure embodiment—to be truly awake inside the slipstream of illuminated experience.

Or in the words of Paul Williams in his epic 1973 manifesto on Being, Das Energi— “participating in the energy flow is the only satisfaction there is in life.”

Romanticism stands as the elucidation of the emotionality and profound sensual experience of giving and receiving love. We’ve been sold the idea that this exchange of energy is achieved through the externalization of the lover, and that it serves us best to neglect the dormant instinct that would lead us into the haze of fantasy and sentimentality until a worthy object appears before us to be cast in the role of beloved.

But I maintain, that worthy object has appeared, and it is you. It is I. I am the lover that swills the intoxicating brew of my love. Entranced in languid sensuous aliveness, I peer out onto a life in soft focus, free from the inconstancy of rose-colored glasses and I revel in the tangle of my own quixotic web. I know that I am all things and the witness that bears them in its sight, and in that, I am both ravenous and satiated. I am the howling beast, the frosted air curling from its snout, the moon that regards the darkness from its lofty perch, and the substance upon which appears this haunting midnight melody. This story, inhabited by its wispy female protagonist, Self-scripts and Self-sustains amid the caged wildness of conscious awareness. I am in love with life, with being, and with this character—impossible ideals and all, which are more a rebellion against the world of ever-shrinking expectations than anything else. To say “I have high standards” is a lie. The Standard is having “me”.

This sacred art of exalting the Self—not in vanity, but in the rapture of experience—is the poetry of our own becoming. To love one’s life is to drape the ordinary in silk and shadow, understanding that existence is not a problem to be solved but a mystery to be embraced; moreover it is to receive the complexities of what the mystery presents with exquisite fearless presence. To even attempt defining Romanticism as it was characterized by the movements’ founding madmen would be an insult to the crusade itself, for it is not a thing to be understood but to be felt, to be lived. It is the religion of courting existence as one courts a lover.

You don’t have to earn the right to enjoy your life everyday. You were born from love to experience the love of being through the senses. That is your divine inheritance. Nonetheless, the art of caring for oneself and living an enchanted life regardless of circumstance and means is a skill that must be learned and an art that should be fostered. We all have to learn how to be taken care of and the primary caregiver in our lives, whether we ever have families, friends, or partners, will always be ourselves. One could argue (and many often do) that beauty, aesthetics, elegance, and luxury are superfluous indulgences, but make no mistake—beauty is a holy sacrament, one of the visible rites of the absolute, and its cultivation is a necessary means of sanctifying, delighting in, and paying respect to the great mystery. To orchestrate one’s life in such a way that each moment is elevated to the hilt of its potential is the highest form of prayer.

In his famous Memoirs of an Aesthete, Harold Acton opines, “We citizens of the world are neither famous nor spectacular. But there is a slow fire burning within us, and it is time for our latent energies to swell forth anew. It is time for us to reassert ourselves. And it is our duty to remind our fellow creatures of what they are fast forgetting, that true culture is universal.” We all long to be enveloped and taken in by beauty. Acton’s slow fire has sparked into flames among young women who are finding inspiration within the sensualist and aesthete movements en masse, bringing to the forefront of awareness via social media what was once a countercultural movement stoked and tended to by outliers, and we now sit at the precipice of a new paradigm whereby the adoption of a universal standard of living well is invariably awakened within and upheld by this burgeoning feminine power.

“Be so for real. We’re barely paying rent!!”, screeches a disgruntled lemon bag of a man in the comment section of a post suggesting your homework is to foster opulence. My darlings, I beseech you: whatever fundamentally askew notions you’ve adhered to that tie wealth to a life of luxuriant fulfillment must be untangled and set right as soon as humanly possible. Romanticizing your life at its core is the sensual embodiment of the totality of your birthright—to live!

So here’s to living it well.

The Daily Grind

Vocation —

I knew the first time a screeching alarm clock ever yanked me from unconsciousness and thrust me into a day of working for someone else that I was an unemployable nightmare. The latent aristocrat in me simply could not. If we’re being totally real, the first step to romanticizing your life is becoming intimately familiar with your natural rhythm and the idiosyncrasies of your nervous system so that you can create a life for yourself and pursue a vocation in agreement with that. What kind of lifestyle are you best suited for? Are you a hustler, a seller, a thinker, a creator, a restless outdoorsy type? Are you gregarious and performative or introverted and contemplative? Do you enjoy people or find them tedious? Would you prefer to own your time or is it more palatable for someone else to shoulder the burden of responsibility that comes with being the boss? Do you require a certain element of glamour in your vocation? These are aspects to work/life planning that are not generally articulated enough when we’re young and trying to find our place in the world. Once you’ve analyzed your temperament and have a clear idea of what you want your days to look like, marry that ideal with what interest you and what you’re good at. Enjoying your work at least a majority of the time is the single most effective way to romanticize your life.

Morning Rituals —

I don’t want to run four miles, accost myself with cold water, and meditate 30 minutes, all before 5:30 in the morning in order to “optimize my output” for the day. I’d kill myself day one of that schedule. My morning routine is not having one. Sometimes I read a bit and luxuriate, sometimes I go for a walk. But the non-negotiable’s for me are waking up naturally, making the bed to beautify the space, playing low mellow music throughout the house, intermittent fasting until 12:30 or 1, followed by a decaf chai tea with honey and cream. Listen to what feels best and be unapologetic in designing a life around that.

Wear Your Stuff —

Real luxury isn’t quiet luxury and I will die on this hill. Real luxury is lived-in luxury. You’re not actually rich unless you are not the least bit phased by wearing and breaking in and using and finishing your beautiful things, so if you’re aspiring to call in a higher echelon for yourself, this is the fundamental energy to embody. There’s no special occasion more poignant than a day spent breathing so, for the love of God, dress up for yourself, even and especially if you work from home. Wear your perfumes, slather on the eye cream, take the bags and the jewels out for a coffee run. This is the theater of existence, my loves. Do you think MK&A are “saving it for a special occasion” so as to, oh, I don’t know, not stretch out the ass of their favorite leather pants? Fuck no. They’re living in them. So should you.

Perfume Doping —

We humans are kind of amazing. Everyone is putting one thing or another up their nose and my nervous system prefers perfume. If you think I’m not arriving absolutely drenched in vintage Mitsy to whatever menial errand is on my list, you’d be wrong. One thing I have observed over the years in my love affair with fragrance is that the aromatherapeutic attributes of various elements are often overlooked in the marketing of contemporary perfumery. Quality matters, especially where mood-altering effects are desired, and unfortunately price is not a direct corollary to quality. There are many “luxury” houses that churn out purely synthetic frags with no therapeutic attributes beyond “oh, this smells nice.” In my experience, I have found it far more pleasurable to be cocooned in higher quality perfume than in having a larger collection. For instance, real sandalwood molecules have a deeply calming effect on the nerves and thus, impart more than just a beautiful aroma. As you experiment with fragrance, you will develop a sixth sense as to which houses are using mainly aroma chemicals and which are more inclined toward the natural essences. Whether you’re wearing your perfumes, diffusing essential oils throughout the house, or burning incense or copal or lighting scented candles, scent is an integral part of romanticizing the day-to-day.

Candlelit Baths & Showers —

The daily driver for sanctuary and sanity. Essential oils, a variety of salts (epsom, dead sea) & scrubs, steaming hot water, a cool juicy mocktail, and this spa playlist. Twice a week I use these wooden massage paddles (one in each hand) with jojoba oil (any oil is fine) to massage my entire body, work out the sore spots, break up any stagnant energy, and keep the lymph moving. I actually prefer these to gua sha tools for facial massage. This ritual followed by the candlelit bath is perfection.

Decadent Loungewear & Bedding —

Is there anything better than slithering into an opulent bed after a bath? Micromink velour blankets. Fur throws. Velvet pillows. These incredible hand-dyed silk pillow cases. Fabrics matter to the skin snobs among us, of which I am one. I adore vintage silk and satin slips and robes. I own these pajama pants in several colors.

Candlelit Yoga/Meditation —

Some deep breathing, a little yin yoga, a little stillness. I’m convinced this ritual invites the ethereal realm to play nice through the night.

Dwelling

Office Space —

Summoning the muse, especially for those in creative fields, means setting the scene, for she is a fickle mistress and needs courting. Environment is 90% of setting a vibe and I have found that a tricked out office space is my cheat code to making work more fun. It lends atmosphere to the work you’re creating and goes a long way toward inspiring productivity and creativity. I work at home and my office is a nook filled with antiques and art. My desk is a beautiful antique marble-top buffet table on which sits my laptop and a few treasures, candles, a crystal ball, etc. Bring visual interest to your workspace and see what that evokes from your inner space.

Lighting —

Overhead or LED lighting in your own home? The horror! Instead keep incandescent bulbs beaming from a mix of interesting table lamps, chandeliers, or recessed warm-tone spotlights or track lighting. Small uplighting details such as tiny spotlights in plants or behind the treasures in a curio cabinet go a long way toward adding ambiance. Play with color, tone, and texture: prisms hung in a sunny window to cast rainbows through the space, stained or beveled leaded glass in a window, small twinkling Christmas lights, Chinese or paper lanterns, a single piece of neon, under-furniture soft glow lighting for a floating effect, spotlights above hanging art, full wall or ceiling mirrors to open the space and refract more light. The possibilities are endless and add such dynamic interest and romance to a space.

In The Closet —

When I’m playing dress up and getting ready for the day, I want to feel like I’m shopping. It’s a ritual that should be part of the fun so take a weekend and make your closet a space of beauty. Ditch the builder-grade light fixture with the morgue-toned LED’s and choose instead a small chandelier or some warm-toned track lighting for the space. Buy the velour hangers. Do a thorough clean-out so that it’s organized and features beautifully the things you love and wear. Scented sachets in every drawer.

No Clutter —

I may be on the retentive spectrum but it truly makes all the difference in my day-to-day experience when nothing is pulling my attention into death spirals of superfluous disarray. Ain’t nobody got spacetime on the visceral and mental realms for that. I put things back where they belong every time I use them. When immersed in a creative project, I routinely do “ten-minute tidy’s” (thanks mom) to keep shit from getting out of hand. Anything I don’t absolutely love is sold or donated. This guide outlines the criteria I use to deep clean and keep my space together.

Chores & Upkeep —

This jazz playlist billowing through the house, copal or incense burning, windows and doors open, fresh air breezing through. It’s a lot of work to attend to the home we’ve created for ourselves. Make it a ritual of love.

Fridge Aesthetics —

When we open the fridge, do we not want our eyes to feast on beauty? In addition to the periodic clean-out and reorganization, I keep a few interesting pieces in the refrigerator that add to the cool factor and produce just enough dopamine for me to keep on living until the food hits my lips: antique crystal decanters filled with concoctions (herbal teas), silver bowls of fruit, a small covered basket for root veg, and an antique butter dish.

The Bod

Upgrade Your Workout Space —

If it’s within your means, there’s no better level-up to the daily grind than a beautiful, high-end gym with low lighting and fabulous amenities. Sweating your balls off is bad enough. You might as well do it in style. If that’s not within reach at this time, this home pilates Youtube channel will annihilate not only your will to live but your flab as well, so you can save your money for the next tip.

Spa Days —

Go relax!! By no means do you need to indulge in overpriced treatments to enjoy the spas in your city. A day pass generally grants you access to the saunas, steam, hot tub, and pool. Salt rooms and sound baths are also great ways to break up the monotony and indulge.

Food Prep —

Feeding the corpse is a colossal time suck! In addition to blabbing on Tiktok and writing/editing this here publication, I run two businesses so by the end of the day, I’m wiped and don’t want to cook! By the same token, I prefer my own food to most takeout, so food prep is crucial for me… but it’s a chore. The only way for me to get into it is to put on a fabulous playlist that allows me to cosplay living in the mediterranean with my big, beautiful (albeit imaginary) family, pour myself something fizzy in a crystal goblet, and surrender to it. Hair in a bun, favorite lipstick on, gold bangles clinking as I chop — this is what it takes for me to enjoy the ritual, and enjoyment of the mundane is the name of the game here. I select my menu for the week, cook and compartmentalize everything, and am then able to relax at the end of the work day with little pageantry. Current favorite things to batch cook are a large pot of Tachin (Persian chicken and rice), red lentils and basmati rice for buddha bowls, and a big tupperware of salad (romaine, red/green leaf lettuce, red cabbage, Persian cucumbers, carrot, beets, chickpeas, sunflower and pumpkin seeds, and dried cranberries with a homemade creamy cashew dressing) so I can just grab a handful everyday.

Rituals

Solo dates —

The most delicious act of self-love, a rendezvous with one’s own soul. It’s borderline tragic that so many reserve their finest hours for the approval of others when the grandest romance is the one we cultivate with ourselves. Solo dates are more than just something to do. They are a tool that help refine the consciousness. They force the shy introvert to confront the thoughts of others’ judgement. They allow the creative mind to unfurl itself in solitary contemplation and arrive to its own conclusions without the reflection of an other. In the exquisite pleasure of one’s own company comes the realization that we need not be witnessed to be worthy. We need not be accompanied to be complete. Being at peace in aloneness is a declaration that one’s own presence is a gift in and of itself, worthy of happiness and indulgence.

Take art classes, go to the museum, the movies, dinner (without a book. Lose the crutch. Just sit there and be. Take up space.) Walk to your favorite cafe and people-watch for a few hours with your notebook. Travel alone. Cultivate hobbies alone. Suck at something. You don’t have to venture outside the comfort zone of mastery often but it’s there when you need it to lend a much needed counterbalance to a life where most everything is hyper-scrutinized and available for purchase. Remember: you’re allowed to be bad at something and still have a good time doing it.

Throw Extravagant Dinner Parties —

I keep a notebook of ideas and dishes for just these kinds of occasions — a Surrealist supper club party with mismatched dinnerware, a Schiaparelli-inspired dress code, and unexpected food pairings. A 1920’s Paris salon-inspired candlelight dinner with French fare and an impromptu exquisite corpse poem that captures the ethos of the evening for your guests to remember. Dinner on the Silk Road, featuring Asian, Persian, and Mediterranean dishes, Sufi music, and a fortune teller.

Let your creativity and industriousness take the reigns. Again, it’s not about spending more money. It’s about getting creative with regards to what you spend it on.

Fresh Flowers

Blossoms are accessible no matter the budget and they take on a whole new dimension as your skills in flower arrangement develop. This is a fantastic tutorial if you’re looking to level up. Venture to the wholesale flower markets to select your palette and get to blooming!

And in related news, plants! Nothing compares to the pride one feels when something you’ve tended to and loved is thriving, no matter the scope or size one has to work with — from microgreens in a tin on a window sill to a massive garden that takes years to cultivate. I have a collection of spaths that had been struggling, not producing any blooms in a few years. I turned my attention to loving on them everyday, singing to them, and giving them a pep talk — asking for blooms. “You can do it!” I kid you not, within three weeks they all had multiple flowers and a new energy about them. What a life lesson. Everything responds to love. Don’t forget to tend the plant of Self.

In closing, I want to reaffirm how important it is to give yourself permission to not rush through things. Enjoy getting into whatever must be done. Take your time! It’s yours to take! Comment below and let us know what indulgences and rituals you’ve incorporated to romanticize your day-to-day.

The Counterculturist

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